Have you ever been part of a group where you did not know anyone? Maybe a tour group in another country or a project team at work or in a volunteer organization? One of the ways facilitators try to form some cohesion in situations like that is to ask everyone to introduce themselves and to include something unrelated to their work or volunteer role. This is called an ice breaker for obvious reasons, and for the last three decades of my life I would usually choose one of my active sport hobbies of tennis or running to represent who I was. I was a runner, it defined me.
At the age of 35-ish I started losing tennis matches to players with lesser skills but better fitness and decided I needed to develop more endurance. Running seemed like an easy way to do that so that very first morning I got up early and decided to start out slowly by running two miles. It’s funny now to realize the hubris I possessed. It was a shock when after a hundred yards I was totally gassed. I had to stop. My concept of me as a superior athlete was severely challenged by the fact that I couldn’t run even a quarter mile, much less two miles. While disappointing, it also motivated me to keep trying. I decided I would just run as far as I could, then walk until I caught my breath and then run some more. Each week I ran a little further and walked less. It took a full two months before I actually made it the entire two miles! I remember how that felt like such a big win. I kept up the running three or four times a week in addition to my tennis. For the first few years I ran alone in our neighborhood, but the summer horse flies were so intense I was forced to find a new route. We had a nice high school stadium with a quarter mile warning track around it and that became my new warm weather course.
There was a large group of runners who met at the stadium parking lot that I would exchange greetings with before I would head to the track and they would take to the streets. This went on for a year or two before one of the street runners, a very wealthy and imposing attorney, stopped me on the track and told me I should be running with them. He had been watching me and judged my speed would put me in the faster group of their runners. What a change that was, running with other people and having conversations and friendly races to the finish. I got drawn into the camaraderie of the group, pizza parties, 5K’s and road trips. They urged me into my first ten mile run, and later into running my first full marathon. While I never truly enjoyed the act of running I loved seeing myself as a runner, and I loved the fellowship of a truly amazing group of people who ranged from billionaires to school teachers. And I became quite dedicated. There were times I was up at 3 AM to squeeze in a twenty mile run before heading into work at 8AM. I know that sounds crazy. It was crazy, but I was committed.
My running speed started to deteriorate about ten years ago. I had some mysterious anemia, a knee injury and, unknown to me at the time, some internal issues compromising my heart and lung performance. The anemia resolved and the heart and lung issues were repaired with surgery about a year ago but both knees were now protesting the abuse of so much pounding on the city streets. A second surgery a couple of months ago restricted me to just walking for six weeks and I found the knees were much better for it.
Since my first love is tennis and my second one is pickle ball I depend on being mobile. I have come to the conclusion that if I keep running it will likely push me into knee replacement much sooner than if I don’t. Orthopedic surgeons do not recommend playing singles tennis after that and singles tennis is what I love to play. So backing away from what I want to do and objectively choosing the best path to keep my favorite hobbies viable is where I am. And it is so frustrating to have to let things go in life. As I get older, and I’m already ancient compared to most of you, it’s part of life. I never let my skis leave the snow now and I stay off most of the double diamond expert runs. It’s just common sense, you don’t bounce at my age, you just hit the snow like a sack of cement when you fall. But I never saw myself as a skier, I was a runner. I ran fifteen marathons and a thousand miles a year for decades. While a lot of people my age are couch bound and sedentary I am still beating the high school tennis team players in singles. I feel like running is what has let me keep my tennis skills into my sixties.
So this is it. I’m saying goodbye to running for good. It hurts to type that. Even though I do not enjoy running, especially now with aching knees, I hate to change my mental label from “runner” to “walker”. It’s just another lost item, like much of my hair and some of my friends. I’m whining, I know. There are many (old) people who would trade their bodies for mine in a heartbeat. I can hike and climb and play my favorite sports. I never have a problem with gaining weight even though I eat anything I want and as much as I desire. I’m not a bad looking guy for my age and I have no chronic health conditions. I have plenty of investments to fund our lifestyle and an amazing healthy active wife (for the last 44 years). I’m a leader in our community, have enjoyable and important volunteer roles and three grown self sufficient kids. I can work, if and when I want, at some well paid and interesting projects. It is ridiculous for me to feel sorry for myself when I’ve been so blessed for so long. Life is very good. You adjust to change. You pick your best options and you accept the realities you cannot change. But part of getting to acceptance is grieving what you’ve lost. That’s why I wrote this, to help me let go. And it has.
Everyone has lost things that were once a big part of their life. Have you had to say goodbye to something difficult to let go?
How would you deal with losing part of your identity?
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Have you tried biking? Great way to get cardio that’s much easier on the knees!
We have thought about getting bikes. We rented a couple at Mackinac Island a few weeks ago and rode the 8.7 mile loop around the island and had so much fun we did it twice! I do worry about wrecks. I rode a lot in my youth teen years and had a few near death experiences that included broken bones and a concussion. Hitting cars on a bike is just no fun or having a dog flip your bike. And that was when I could still bounce when I hit the ground. A few months ago a friend of mine also in his sixties, a lifelong serious cyclist had a wreck which put him in a coma for weeks. He is still in a rehab facility unable to walk or speak. That’s a scary thing to see and he was an excellent rider in excellent health. But in spite of all that we are thinking about it.
Sorry to hear about your having to give up running. I have a friend who was an avid runner and a few years back, his knee problems forced him to decide to give it up before things got worse. He was never a biker, but decided to buy a road bike and see if he liked biking. He fell in love with it almost immediately and now bikes a ton. I’m guessing you’re at least a bit of a biker already, but if not, maybe that’s a hobby that you replace running with. Even if you don’t love it, it’ll likely keep you in great shape so that you can perform your best in your true loves of tennis and pickleball.
I just answered a similar comment from IF, so yes, we probably will get bikes.
I can relate, Steve. I ran religiously from age 32 to 55 (3:56 PR in marathon) but have essentially given it up in retirement. I’m simply not enjoying it anymore, and feel frustrated when I have to walk the hills. I’ve rotated in Spin, swimming, mountain biking and hiking to keep a cardio focus, and added weight routines 3x/week which I never did prior (feels great, BTW). Do what you enjoy and realize we’ll slowly lose them all by the end.
That’s why I made the switch to walking, to save what’s left of my knees for tennis, hiking and pickle ball. We indeed will lose much more but I’m very grateful I’m still in overall good health. I think we’ll try biking, something I did tons of in my younger days.
Wow, this is sad and also encouraging, somehow. I have been running for 20 years and my mile times slowed way down a couple of years ago. Ended up being anemia. Went through the whole testing and probing to find a bleed, etc. Nothing at all to determine the cause. Have been on iron now for over a year and times are better, but not back where they were.
My blood is “normal” now but I never recovered all my stamina. I hope you luck is better. When I had some major surgery a year ago to fix the root problem of both the anemia and my endurance issues I got a good bit back but not quite all of it.
Sorry to hear this, Steve, but I hope this gives you more time playing tennis and pickle ball.
I’m starting to see some of the fun of growing older hitting me lately. I feel the reading glasses coming on soon and I have a knee that I’m pretty sure is going to need to be replaced at some point.
It’s got to be tough to let the running go, but adapting is part of life and it sounds like you’re already making the best of it.
PS Congrats on crushing 15 marathons, too – very impressive!
I can totally relate, Steve. I am 45, have been playing tennis since 6 yr old, and have been running 2-3 times a week.. Since a few months, I also started feeling some pain in my knees. Currently, I am at this stage where I don’t know if I should just pause for some weeks, or go and see a doctor!? Guess ‘fast walking’ is the healthiest form of exercise there is, and tennis can be played till a high age! I reached FI when I was 41 (in 2018), and I now live just of my passive income ($12,500 US/mo, while our family expenses are at $9,500 US/mo). Got a lot of time on my hands and I was actually planning to use that time for lots of running and tennis ;-( .. Cheers from Singapore, Noah
Hey Noah, I definitely will keep playing tennis even if I have to get new knees at some point. My wife is playing doubles right now and one of the guys playing with her is over 80 and still has game!
that’s a bummer to have to give something up, steve. we want to always do things on our own terms and that’s a big deal. sounds like you at least have plenty of other activities to keep you interested and moving around.
Thanks Freddy, I do indeed have plenty of backup activities and most of them can be done just fine with artificial knees if it comes to that. I am kind of concerned about my bionics becoming self aware now that I have five separate pieces of man-made tech inside me. I’m not sure I’m OK with raising that to seven.
Hi Steve, you also probably saved your hips. Everyone talks about knees but the hips are also susceptible to damage.
Thanks for sharing. Best, Luis
Good point Luis, I have several friends who have had hip replacement surgery. One dear one who is recovering as I type this. Good to hear from you, friend!
Great post, I used to be a runner as well, then I tore my meniscus (which I still have not gotten fixed) and decided instead to take up swimming. It was great decision, swimming is low impact, maybe you can look into it!
I can swim but I’ve always been awful at it. I’m not sure if I want to attack that steep of a learning curve? But it does have the lowest impact of all sports I would think. Thanks for the suggestion, Jim
Sorry your running days are over, but better to listen to your body then enduring injuries and chronic pain.
Indeed, that’s a very good common sense approach I’m trying to apply to this. Thanks, Janet.
I feel for you! I had to say goodbye to running recently. I’ve just had too many issues with my Achilles heel. Fortunately, just about every other exercise and sport I enjoy doesn’t bother it.
Samuel, great attitude and so far I’m still playing decent tennis and pickle ball and we just spent a couple of weeks out West hiking ten miles a day at high altitude. The knees seem to be holding up fine for that kind of thing.
Oh my goodness, I thought you were saying good bye to blogging and you made me scared, Steveark lol.
I just played tennis today and I can emphatize with the fitness aspect. I am so out of shape!
Hey David, no, I’m going to keep on blogging. I played yesterday and the first set of singles went to a tiebreaker 11-9. I was dragging a little by the end of the second set!