Posted on by Steveark

A Week in the Woods


How long has it been since you’ve been totally alone for a day. How about for a week? For me it has been a very long time. I’ve been married for decades and we are generally together much of every day. Plus there is my tennis buddy and our pickleball crew that I see several times a week. My church friends, my hospital board friends, my foundation friends and my friends and fellow trustees at the college I see at least weekly. The engineering students I mentor and the widow former neighbor I provide tech service calls for are in my life regularly. My four mile walking buddies I spend an hour with three days a week feel like family. We also keep in touch with our three grown kids though they are scattered far from us. My life is full of social contact with people I genuinely enjoy. But not this last week. For the last nine days I’ve been totally isolated from the physical presence of every one of the people I care about. I can thank, or blame, an unusually harsh winter storm for that.

Arkansas gets a little snow, very little in the southern part we live in. But last weekend the entire state got hammered, by ice in the south and snow in the north. We have recently gotten our cabin finished, or nearly so, in north Arkansas near the Buffalo National River. The forecast was for 6 to 9 inches of snow and subzero temperatures in that area. We were understandably concerned for both of our homes so we decided to split up. I’d carry a large generator up to the cabin and she’d be prepared to run the one at our house and we’d both be able to leave trickles of water flowing to keep the pipes from freezing. Neither of us realized that the cold would hang around as long as it has and that there would still be snow and ice present nine days later.

So much time to myself. I have done some solo hiking, even tried to catch a fish but its been too cold to get too far from the cabin and the roads have not been in good condition. I have all the comforts of home here, high speed internet, central heat, a fireplace with lots of wood, all the appliances of any modern house, plenty of food and have not had to run the generator because the power stayed on. And for the most part I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time alone. I’ve cooked some good meals and keeping the small cabin clean is a snap because of its size. I’d hike more but the trails are still treacherous with icy patches and the terrain here is extreme. Solo hiking is pretty sketchy even in good conditions but it would be all to easy to break a leg in the middle of nowhere. With no cell signal to call for help and no satellite beacon that’s potentially life threatening.

Today I’ll have a good bit to do getting ready to drive back home tomorrow. I do have to admit I’m a little bored with too much Netflix streaming and audiobook listening. And I miss my wife, today is her birthday. We’ve been best friends for 47 years, married for 45. And while we do travel separately at times, her on gal trips and me on guy trips, I’ve never been this isolated when she was traveling. If this experience has taught me anything it has reinforced the fact that loneliness is not healthy in large doses. Knowing this is temporary makes it very tolerable, even enjoyable. But if I didn’t know I’d see my wife soon and my friends, then I think life would feel bleak and perhaps hopeless. I feel just a twinge of that, and it isn’t a pleasant feeling.


It occurs to me that many people are lonely and isolated. They have outlived their friends and family, or are estranged from them. And they can’t look forward to a warm hug and a kiss from their spouse tomorrow like I do. They don’t have enjoyable hobbies and friends to share them with. They don’t have purposeful tasks and roles to fill helping others. They may well be hard people to love. And if I get nothing else from this week of solitude, I hope I get the motivation to make a difference in a lonely person’s life.

What about you. Do you ever struggle with loneliness or isolation?

Is there someone you know whose life you could improve just by being their friend?

38 Replies to “A Week in the Woods”

  1. This must vary with personality. For better or worse, my Myer-Briggs personality type is INTJ. From the description, “INTJs are introverts who are comfortable being by themselves.” I have no problem being by myself for a week. One of my best memories: a few years back, I singlehanded a 32-foot tug type boat for a week in the San Juan and Gulf Islands of the Pacific Northwest. Bliss.

    Exactly like you, I’ve been happily married for 45 years to my college sweetheart. INTJs are not antisocial and do just fine in marriage: In fact, the M-B manual says, “In relationships, they are loyal and are great at encouraging their partners.” Just for some reason, we don’t get lonesome.

    1. I don’t get lonely often either. But this much isolation at least let me feel a trace of it. And I know its a big problem for many people. I could make a pretty good hermit, sounds like we are similar in that respect. s

  2. Sounds like a great getaway, time to reflect. safe travels home. I am slightly north of you, and it has been cold, but little in the way of dangerous weather. Tomorrow should be icy though.

  3. I love spending time alone, but with the same caveats as you–I’m constantly surrounded by people (though I’m not married, and certainly haven’t been for 45 years!), so the alone time feels necessary and relaxing. Loneliness among the general population is undoubtably a much bigger issue than we realize.

    1. I think for people like you and me, time alone is not a problem. But for people wired differently, maybe for most people, it can be difficult and bleak. Thanks for your insightful comment.

  4. love that last line!

    someone literally just asked me the other week if I wanted “to be friends” with him – a basic stranger – but it was so refreshing even if I wasn’t lonely. We’ve since had lunch or coffee three times and are quickly becoming *good* friends. I think I’d rather have more friends than money if i had to choose.

    1. You are a good animal J. That’s a life saving gesture to acknowledge someone else like that. And I think it’s a win win because friendships enrich us.

  5. hey steve, glad to see you having your “walden woods” week and the power stayed on. for me, i can’t stand being alone. if the mrs. goes off for just a few days i hate it. even when we’re home at the same time we might not be in the same room with our separate activities, but the presence and proximity mean a lot to me.

    books on paper are good for me and the best thing to alleviate the loneliness for me is having a dog. at least banjo! has needs and just the small tasks of feeding and a couple of short walks a day helps.

    1. Makes perfect sense Freddy! I do miss our expired outdoor pets, but our frequent travels made replacing them problematic. I also have the sneaking suspicion I was only second or third in order as far as my spouse’s affection went.

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  7. I can’t be the only one who wants a photo or two of this new cabin! Let me ooh and aah over the visuals, Steve; my imagination can only go so far!

    On a more serious note:

    It’s funny you bring up isolation because, despite communication being more accessible than ever before, there’s a “loneliness epidemic” that even the surgeon general is worried about. You certainly won’t be short of people who are by themselves more than they want to be, unfortunately. I’m cheering you on in maintaining that motivation to change that for someone. Humans are hard-wired for connection and community, so I wouldn’t wish it on anyone to feel completely alone.

    1. So great to hear from you, Darcy! It’s hard to get a good picture of the cabin. It’s on steep terrain so you can’t see it if you back far enough away to get it framed. I need a drone. You can see it from the side but it’s not the best look. I’m blessed to have many people in my life, loneliness is a rare emotion for me. But I know that’s not the case for many. I’m especially fortunate to have a dear friend like you I’ve yet to meet in person!

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