I’ve been retired for five years now, even though I used to consult a little it was very part time. But since it paid all our bills for that period I think it somehow counted as me still having a job. My wife left the workforce when we started having kids, the youngest of which turns 30 next month, Yikes! And while I rode out the first five years of retired bliss staying under her radar she finally realized I haven’t been doing my share of the household labor. It is a dangerous trend that has me worried as I’m very happy to be taken care of. Something I think I inherited that from my dad.
It started innocently enough, we began to get a few of those Blue Apron meal kits. That indoctrinated me into doing some of the cooking, and it was fun. Then a couple of weeks ago she sprang the trap on me. She said she thought I should handle all the grocery shopping and cooking the next week. It sounded like a fun adventure to me so I started looking up recipes and went shopping for supplies. I did very well, if I do say so myself, making chipotle meatloaf, shrimp pasta and Rachel Rae’s smoky spicy bass filets.
In fact it was so much of a success that she deftly converted the one week experiment into a new paradigm for our household. I’m responsible for meals every other week from now on! So this week it is my time again. I’ve shopped and gathered the necessary materials for another week of haute cuisine, or at least credible edibles, I hope.
I’m looking at Jeff’s hot dog chili recipe (allrecipes.com) to go with some purchased frozen tamales and also to make chili dogs with. Spicy and sweet jalapeño cole slaw(nospoonnecessary.com), crispy beer battered bass filets(iwashyoudry.com), Big Orange cheese dip(dawgnation.com), tortilla chips, broiled broccoli, yellow zucchini, yellow squash, sesame sugar snap peas(slenderkithchen.com), spaghetti(my own creation), spicy New Orleans shrimp(jocooks.com),red leaf salad with carrots and shallots, pulled pork barbecue sandwiches, baked beans, corn and garlic ciabatta bread.
Its amazing what you can find on the internet when it comes to recipes. And it surprised me how much fun it is to cook. Unless you’ve been doing most all of it for 43 years, like my amazing spouse. While this is a really interesting new adventure to me I do have some qualms about where it might lead. I haven’t cut the grass in 43 years either, did I tell you my wife is amazing?
So what has handling food preparation for two weeks taught me so far? Well, I have learned that just because someone puts a recipe on a website doesn’t mean it is anything special. Most of the new ones I’ve tried were good but none of them were quite as good as the author claimed they would be. Food tastes are just too personal and sometimes too regional to appeal to everyone equally.
I’ve learned about substitution, there is always something called for I don’t have on hand and don’t discover until the last minute. I don’t have celery salt but I do have ground celery seeds, no problem. And I’ve learned that for me and my spouse, double the amount of garlic and cayenne called for in almost any recipe, because we like things spiced up.
But the main thing I’ve learned, which it shouldn’t have taken 43 years of marriage to figure out, is that there is a tremendous amount of work involved in planning a week of meals, shopping for the necessary ingredients and simultaneously preparing the entree and sides so that everything is ready at the same time. I had no idea how much time and effort my wife had been putting into that for decades. She is pro and made it look easy and seamless. Believe me, it isn’t that easy and there are lots of seams now that I am doing it.
What about you, have you taken on new household chores in retirement or if you are still working do you split up the food preparation?
Has it changed your perspective on how much work is involved?
Got any good recipes, I’m only headed for week three and I’m getting desperate!
steve i have to say you had me cracking up at this one. congratulations for marrying well and riding the “dinner cooked for you” train for so many years. it’s funny that mrs. Ark caught on recently. i have to admit that although we share much of the cooking in our house that mrs. smidlap does 95% of the grocery shopping. i really have always appreciated that and recognized the benefit of not often having to do something i loathe.
we make it look pretty easy after all these years of sharing the cooking and we each have our own strengths and weaknesses in the kitchen or the grill. but after doing it so long together we are rarely in one another’s way with regard to timing. i’m also with you regarding online recipes. i like the old tried and true but this is what you get when the kids game search engine optimization: substandard content bubbles towards the top. my go-to cookbook has always been fanny farmer and my great grandmother used to have a copy. i like to try some of those restaurant meats like making braised foods like lamb shanks or osso bucco. also, chick peas are highly versatile and underrated. good luck.
Thanks Freddy. We do have tons of cook books and my wife has a huge recipe box, not sure why I haven’t been looking in there for ideas?
Love it Steve 🙂
When I left my full time job 3 years ago, I assumed most of the household chores that my wife did previously. Cooking, cleaning, shopping for the house and organizing social stuff. I have always appreciated everything she did – but I developed a much deeper sense when I realized how much work was involved. She felt the same working full time while I stayed home. Swapping shoes brought us closer 🙂
It is true that everybody’s job seems easier than yours, until you have to do it! Thanks, Joel.
I have no clue how my mom planned the cooking responsibilities with people with different tastes and such. As you pointed out, it takes a very long time to plan those things.
If I want to, I can just go out and eat anything that I want whenever I want. I can’t imagine remembering to cook for somebody else, their schedules, their tastes, etc.
It is a task that requires a lot of care, indeed!
We live near a fairly small city/town. Our restaurant choices are pretty limited and even our fast food is painfully slow. So cooking at home is kind of a survival issue around here. My wife did all that coordination and scheduling for all the years we had three kids at home, with just the two of us, and sometimes we cook for our next door neighbor, it is an order of magnitude easier. Plus we like the same foods.
That was a good read, Steveark! Gave me a good laugh, too! 🙂
Congrats on getting into cooking. Funny enough, prior to Jenni and I switching to part-time, I think I cooked more. In the last handful of years, she’s taken over more and more of the cooking.
I think we tend to focus on the things we each do well (or enjoy). I do the dishes and kitchen cleaning, she handles the dinner. You get the idea.
I think it’s tough, too, depending on food preferences, allergies, or dietary restrictions. For example, Jenni has Celiac disease so there’s no wheat (and a few other things) in our meals. Sure, she (or I) could whip up something separate for me, but that seems like an unnecessary amount of effort. And because of it, I leave a lot of the meal decisions up to her since she has a firmer grasp on what she can or can’t eat.
Although, I think the best dish I fix she enjoys is an almond-flour based Pizza in a deep iron skillet. Fresh mozzarella and parm. Yum.
I must say, too, it sounds like you guys are eating really healthily! That’s awesome. Probably helps your wife dominate the miles, too! 🙂
Cheers!
Thanks Chris, when our grown vegan daughter visits that whole concept of what she can eat does complicate meal prep for sure. Usually she brings her own food and my wife will fix some vegan sides as well. Its amazing how little my wife eats, me too, considering the amount of exercise we get. Metabolism takes a nasty turn for the worse the older you get. Somehow you just stop burning calories even if you are very active.
So much to say here, but lucky you! You’re right that internet recipes are hit or miss. I’ve mostly sworn them off completely. If I could somehow eliminate all food blogs from my search results I would. Even sites like Allrecipes often end up with recipes by people who don’t know how to cook, and then they’re given lots of 5-star reviews by lots of other people who don’t know how to cook. Sometimes there really are ways that work and ways that don’t.
Cookbooks by America’s Test Kitchen have almost never disappointed me though. They actually conduct tests and have little blurbs telling you why certain things work and don’t. They have tons of different books out there, some designed to be quicker and easier than others. They also put out The Science of Good Cooking, which, with your background, might be interesting for you. Salt Fat Acid Heat is also good if you’re interested in making great food without being as reliant on recipes.
Also, your wife is a brave woman. It takes a lot to let go, knowing that you won’t cook things her way. My husband gets to feel your pain when we have our baby soon, and I’m already a little nervous about what we might end up eating. So good for both of you!
And good luck! I hope you find it relaxing and that you and your wife enjoy many amazing meals together!
Thanks Mrs. FCB, I’m glad it just wasn’t me on the internet recipes. Its too bad too because its so quick to find recipes that way but if the food isn’t good then that’s just a bad way to go. Yes, she’s quite a trooper considering what she’s put up with for the last 43 years, me. Thanks for the cookbook suggestions!
Steve,
I think your wife found a way to appeal to your competitive instincts! Why not seek out some local cooking competitions?
(I’ve recently had to learn to cook for health reasons … argh. Not a fan, although I will admit I am acquiring a taste for this whole plant-based thing. I expect things will improve when I develop some batch-cooking strategies.)
That would be fun, I’m pretty sure we don’t have any of those right now but maybe a good idea to have one! Competitive is right, I’m ridiculously competitive Kellie. Which is a curse when you don’t have a lot of talent.
Hehe this is awesome. You gotta keep things fresh in a relationship and there is a time when things need to be mixed up.
My wife cooks 99.99% of all of our meals. She won’t even let me in the kitchen. It’s not that I can’t cook, but that she is a much much better home chef than I’ll ever be and she enjoys the challenge.
She also does all of the grocery shopping, managing the kids clothes, school work needs, trip planning, etc. I think she has more decision fatigue than I ever had as a CEO sometimes!
I do a heck of a lot of the rest to give back to her, but it is not easy doing that all day to day.
So anyways, no tips here, but more props to you guys for mixing things up and you for embracing it!
Its been fun so far AR, today was quite unhealthy chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, biscuits and gravy. It all turned out good except for the gravy, which tasted OK, but looked appalling.
Since I retired, we split up the cooking every day. Dragon Gal usually cooks lunch and I usually cook dinner. And the person that didn’t cook, cleans up afterwards. We miss cooking together (which we sometimes did in the past), but both enjoy knowing the schedule of who is cooking when. Also, it feels like we are being pampered when cooked for.
I used to worry about recipes, but over the years I have simplified my cooking. For dinner, I usually prepare a grain, such as rice, spaghetti, quinoa, or soba; a protein such as fish, chicken, beef, or shrimp; and then saute a bunch of veggies. We just mix everything together in a bowl or plate and there is dinner. No fancy names of entrees, but still pretty healthy.
Dragon Guy
Dragon guy, thanks for commenting. I’m way into exploring right now and may condense to a more routine menu, if I can find something I can fix that is good enough to repeat. So far most of my attempts are one hit wonders I don’t plan to try again!
Whew Steve, can I come over for dinner? 😉
Your wife sounds incredibly smart, not only to so deftly divide the labor more equitably but also to know you’d embrace the challenge. I think a lot of folks out there would be shocked at how much household labor really does add up!
Just wait until you start cooking with an Instant Pot, or air fryer, or sous vide… mouth’s already watering just thinking about it.
Darcy, my wife is incredibly smart and very wise, which makes it virtually inexplicable that she has tolerated me for a husband for over 40 years. She does like to fix up worn out and damaged things, that might be the hook that got her? Our kitchen is not huge, its designed for one at a time and she does not like single purpose appliances like instant pots, air fryers or sous vide. She does use a slow cooker occasionally and may still have her old pressure cooker around here somewhere. And we have a gas grill we use fairly often.