Does Anyone Want to Win?

It has been interesting reading all the end of the year recaps and end of the decade recaps as bloggers have looked back on the past and have given their thoughts on their progress, improvements and  challenges. In addition to looking back most of them take a look forward and set some goals for the next year, the bravest set goals for the entire new decade. 

Since this is a financial space at its core there are always savings and spending goals.  Maybe a net worth goal as well.  And quite often, though it isn’t directly related to money, there are fitness goals listed.  And that’s what this post is about, sort of.  The more of those goals I read the more disturbed I became that there is something wrong with the way some bloggers are looking at their goals.

To frame this let me tell you where I’m coming from.  I’m a boomer and was never a natural athlete.  I’m not a fast sprinter and my vertical leap doesn’t even justify having the word leap associated with it.  But I’m a runner, consistently running 15-25 miles a week for the last thirty years.  I’ve played tennis for almost fifty years and I’m pretty good at it still.  Plus, I’ve added hiking and pickle ball to those core athletic pursuits over the years.  I’m still not a great athlete but most of my more sedentary boomer buddies think I’m some kind of animal because I’m still doing strenuous sports, while golf is the closest thing to exercise they do.  OK golfers (said with exactly the same tone as “OK boomer”) I’m sorry if I impugned your “game”, but I’m only talking about “sports”.   

The thing is, I never ran as a means to improve my fitness, I only did it to allow me to be more competitive at tennis. Competition was my primary driver and it still is. Whether it is a board game, a tennis team match or a work project my goal was to win.  In my decades of adult life I have learned one thing about myself.  And that is competition is the best motivator  for me to do something with excellence that I might not otherwise do at all. 

In many of the year end and New Year’s resolution blog posts when exercise was mentioned it was usually “walking the dog”, “going to the gym” or “yoga”.  Sometimes it was, couch to 5K.   And do not get me wrong, nothing wrong with those, but where is the competitive angle?   Where are competitive sports like tennis, volleyball, martial arts, basketball, soccer, etc.?  You know things where someone wins and someone loses?  I’ve yet to see a yoga duel, or a treadmill race.  And the reason that troubles me is that people will normally not do something consistently if there isn’t a big strong WHY involved, and “going to the gym” doesn’t have a why attached, or at least not one strong enough for me. 

It’s a cliché, but it is a true one, that New Year’s resolutions don’t work.  And it is generally recognized that the reason is a lack of real commitment to the goal.  Again, where there is no real WHY in the resolution, there is no strong connection to your identity that strikes passion in you.  And it is easy to see why getting up at 6 AM to go jog on a treadmill for no reason except general fitness is going to require an iron will most of us lack. 

I am lazy.  So incredibly lazy. Yet, I have run tens of thousands of miles over the last few decades in the early morning darkness while not getting any particular thrill out of running.  You might wonder how  that works?  It is simple, I don’t like running but I need to be fit.  And I don’t care about being fit because it is a thing in itself, I like being fit because it makes me a faster and stronger tennis player.  And I care about my tennis skills because I win more when I’m fit.  I have much more passion for winning at tennis than I have for staying under the covers when the alarm goes off at 4:40 AM, like it did this morning.  Basically I have rewired my brain so that it doesn’t see a choice of running or sleeping in , it sees a choice between something I love, winning, and something I hate, losing. And the passion to win simply destroys the desire to sleep in.

And that is what troubles me about many of the goals I’ve seen posted lately.  I don’t see any tie to winning or to anything that is a burning passion. Not just regarding exercise either.  It is just as bad in some of the career goals people are posting.   The day I walked into my first job I already had decided what winning at work looked like for me.  Winning was to be running that company by the time I was 40.  I didn’t care about work life balance, benefits or anything else except being the best, and winning that job.  There was even a specific day I remember when the president of our parent company sat me and my rival frenemy down together in an office and laid out the rules of the game for us.   We would be judged against each other over the next year and the “winner” would run the company and the “loser” would go to the corporate headquarters and be a staffer for the parent company.  And I absolutely loved the concept.  I was working for someone just like me.  And, yes, when the year was up I won.  I was 41, so I missed my goal by a year, but it was close enough. 

I am sure if I had not been able to gamify work, to see it as a competition , I would not have had so much fun, nor done so well.  In spite of having a particularly keen engineering brain, my lack of grit would have kept me from advancing if I had not spurred myself to work hard by leveraging my passion to win.  Thankfully I figured that out about myself early and it has served me well.  But I am not finding so many younger versions of me in this blogging space.  It seems that treading water in their careers, and staying employed are the goals now.  I am beginning to finally understand people seeing work as a hamster wheel because that is truly uninspiring if that is the career plan.  Where is the hunger to win that can make work fun? 

Maybe I come across as some kind of unbalanced freak?  Maybe I am.   But I loved my career because I won at it. I got promoted and paid more with great frequency which felt exactly like winning. Dave Ramsey talks about “killing something and dragging it home” when he talks about high performing individuals.  That’s what my career felt like to me, but I get very little of that vibe from many of today’s younger bloggers.  Work is more of a necessary evil, a means to the end of early retirement.  And I think that’s maybe why their careers don’t progress as fast as mine did, and why they do not like their jobs.   Maybe in some cases it is the same thing regarding their fitness commitment.  Maybe they don’t work out like I did because they haven’t tied their fitness goals to a strong enough why?  My why was competition, and that might not be a very worthy one for others.   But there has to be something that strikes a passion in you to achieve a goal that requires hard work. Otherwise you just see the morning gym crowd thinning out by February and March year after year.

Does anyone care about winning any more? 

Are there better career and fitness goals than winning, how do they work to motivate you?

Is this a generational change, are Gen X and millennials less competition driven, is that good or bad?

As usual click on the title of the post to make a comment if you don’t see a comment box.

21 Replies to “Does Anyone Want to Win?”

  1. ok boomer…

    someone had to do it 😉

    I found great value from my job and competed in it to get ahead for 20+ years. I support the DoD and our awesome military so it has meaning. But when that landed me in middle/senior management I looked around and saw the passion had faded and it, well, sucked. I saw that my very job was mostly unnecessary bureaucracy, and ideally I wanted to get back to doing the yeomans work I did before. But the politics of “downgrading” are too politically sensitive and messy. I’m coming up on 25 years and I did my part. Part time suits me now.

    I won.

    1. I appreciate the contributions you have made to the safety of my family and this country! Part time is not bad at all.

  2. If you won every game/match/whatever…..what did you win?

    Be humble….life isn’t a competition.

    1. I can’t accept that being humble and not caring about winning are in any way related. I know very successful winning people with great humility and I know people who have not fared well in life who totally lack humility. I think life is indeed a competition, one of good against evil, vice against virtue and part of winning is learning and practicing humility. One of the ways I won at work was by caring more than most of my competition about my team members and clients. I was kinder and strove to get them most of the credit for the work we did. Paradoxically I got more credit by not seeking it. I do not see any mutual exclusivity between excellence and humility. I think in many cases people reject the competitive nature of life out of a sour grapes attitude, because they aren’t very successful at what they do. The greatest successes in my career weren’t the millions of dollars I made, they were the people that were failing in their jobs that I was able to move into winning careers by matching their skill sets with jobs that fit them better and the coworker I brought back to life with CPR. I counted that one as a “win” over death and it felt every bit like a battle.

      1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSN8nYqG-yA

        “I was not a natural athlete…I run 15-25 miles a week. I have played tennis for 50 years.” You are probably more athletically gifted than you think.

        “I am lazy.” Just a lie. Lazy isn’t getting off the couch, but you turn it into somehow you overcome the lazy…you are winning again.

        “And I think that’s maybe why their careers don’t progress as fast as mine did” so they did something wrong as they cared less about a career and money, than say…..raising a family, holding hands with a dying loved one, generally just being there for someone…instead of always “winning” or working?

        You are questioning someone else’s goals…..humility?

        Did you stretch before patting yourself on the back when you wrote this “winning” article?

        btw. Thumbs up on the coworker CPR. Glad “you” made sure you were there at exactly the time he or she needed it. If someone else was there, it could have been a different outcome…their CPR skills might have not been as sharp as yours. You actually said you battled death…humility?

        Here is the thing….you worked your ass off. You got lucky at times in life and took advantage of that luck. Did you make some of it on your own? Sure. Did a million others help you along the way? Yes.

        Be thankful for the millions that paved the way for your success….be humble by acknowledging “I” didn’t do all that by myself.

        1. I couldn’t agree more, I was extremely lucky, still am. I’m also very grateful. Six other people saved lives that day, we had seven men down from toxic gas exposure. I didn’t have mad cpr skills. We were all lucky no one died, or stayed dead anyway. I’m missing how that being a best event in my career is self centered, I will just agree to disagree on that. My success is totally due to faith, family and genetics. I’m ridiculously lazy by nature, only by gamifying life was I able to get off the metaphorical couch. My ego is likely oversized, I think that is because it started out undersized as a small, slow, shy and unpopular kid who found out later none of those things correlate with success. Confidence is critical to success but it also feeds the ego. I appreciate your comments, I do need to be called out sometimes, I don’t enjoy it but that tells me I need to hear it.

  3. I wonder if competition is shifting in a way with younger people (questionable if I’m that demographic – probably not 😂). Maybe less incentive on beating someone else and more to beat tour personal best.

    Most apps use your history for comparison (RunKeeper, FitBit, any weight lift tracker), or use your health (MyFitnessPal, Apple Watch) as the method for gamification. It can scratch that same competitive urge, but it’s against yourself.

    I do think you make more progress faster when you have an external opponent though. That extra accountability can make a difference. Blogging can help with that to some extent though!

    1. That’s a good observation. Those are more common now than they used to be. But even back in the day I would log my training runs each day, most of my running was really against my own personal best. Sometimes I had a friend I was having a friendly competition with but usually not. Plus with marathons it is nearly impossible to know where any other person is on the course, I never was neck to neck with anyone for a whole race and usually you had to meet up with your group after to find out how everyone did.

  4. i miss competition, steve. i always performed better with a nemesis. i would have rather have come in 5th and beaten a nemesis than win a whole thing against competition i didn’t care about beating.

    nowadays my only competitors are the market averages. i’ll take that for now. oh, by the way, i agree with what you’ve said here.

    1. Thanks Freddy, I had a frenemy in my best old guy 5k. We ran neck and neck the first 2.5 miles then I killed it going up the last hill and pulled away. Never forget that!

  5. Definitions of winning changes through each of our life seasons as does the score keeping method and of course expectations. The game changes.
    The goals also change or previous goals become less important as we age up as well. My yoga and gym workouts (30 hours per month) are more about overall fitness, health, flexibility and maintaining strength as I age, not about getting bigger and cutting and muscle definition.

    Beating some one else after college athletics or finishing career climbing doesn’t really matter. Throughout my 50’s and nearly 60, it’s still about raising the bar on my accomplishments, contributions or doing something new while preserving my health and mobility.
    There will always be someone that has better investment cash flow, nicer cars, nicer houses, more toys exotic vacations and more facebook friends.
    Comparison is the death of joy and the thrill of winning is now a memory and captured in a few photo albums.

    1. That’s a healthy outlook, I am overly competitive I know, but I never played the comparison game on materialism. I drive old cars, our house is nice but everyone I know has a nicer one probably. The only place we buy top of the line stuff is on athletic gear which is one place you do get what you pay for. I do think you can still compete at any age, my 65 year old wife is running a marathon this month, we both won seniors team tennis matches yesterday. But I agree winning means less. It’s why I retired at 60 and left several million in potential earnings on the table. It just didn’t matter anymore.

  6. You pose some interesting questions there Steveark.

    For mine, I think eventually people grow out of needing to win.

    Not everyone, and not entirely, but that constant need to be the best you can be fades over time.

    A lot of that depends upon the motivation behind the need to win.

    Was it an internal driver, competing against themselves?

    Or was it the external approval of the audience that they craved? Not the winning so much as the basking in the glory of being recognised as the better player on the day.

    With the latter, in time we realise that nobody is watching. That nobody cares who won and who lost. The audience has lost interest. Moved on, assuming they were ever paying attention at all.

    Physically it is inevitable that we will eventually be overtaken by a younger, stronger, faster version of our former selves.

    Some folks graduate to “masters” leagues, playing against ever older and less able opponents. For the internally driven a win is a win. For the self-aware or those craving external validation these later victories start to ring hollow. A case of being a big fish in a small pond.

    Mentally, financially, and career wise folks realise that it is ok to not want to rule the world, be a master of the universe, or the top dog. It isn’t for everyone. In fact it isn’t for most people, by design.

    Perhaps they look up the career ladder, and the only thing they can see above them are assholes who seem miserable?

    Or maybe they realised that they were not measurably happier with a seven figure net worth than they were with half that amount?

    I think everyone’s motivations and drivers are different. Some of the happiest people I know have no aspirations at all, they just seem to drift contentedly along.

    Some of the most miserable people I know are hugely driven, yet frustrated by their inability to collect the trophy in whatever race they believe they are competing in.

    I think you are probably right about folks generally being less competitive today. In much the same way they are less inclined to protest, stand up for themselves, or vote.

    I’m not sure if that means they have given up before they started, or just that in having grown up with the internet they are aware that it is a big world out there and the ponds they happen to be playing in are small ones indeed.

    1. That is profound thinking sir, I agree with all of it. My motivation was all of the above. It was external, seeking validation for the unpopular bullied little kid inside me, and internal, building on my early successes and realizing I was gifted at my vocation. I do compete with old guys now, my wife and I each won our team tennis matches against other seniors yesterday, and that was fun. I retired slightly early when I realized I didn’t want another higher job. Your comment is better than my post.

      1. That is high praise, thanks Steveark.

        Congratulations to you and your wife on your victories. If doing something makes you happy, then to me you’re winning regardless of the eventual score line.

        If being able to continue doing something you enjoy long past when your peers are slowing down and unable, that too is a form of winning.

        Both are worthy of celebration.

        Succeeding in a career where you thrived on the work and enjoyed the company of your colleagues is also winning. A victory that few can honestly claim to have experienced often or for long.

        By achieving financial independence you won the game. That left you free to choose how to invest your time. Free to do more of what you enjoy and less obligated to deal with the things you perhaps don’t enjoy so much.

        The important thing is to celebrate the wins, however big or small.

  7. Very nice article, Steveark! It’s important to know yourself and understand your own motivation. Also, I like your blog’s style and the way to begin each paragraph. Your writing and style makes for an easy and enjoyable read. Regarding your point about competition, I have always been very competitive too. But I have noticed that I am only competitive at my strong interests. When it comes to games or situations where I don’t feel like I am moving forward, it is hard for me to care. With that said, I love the premise that goals require an underlying reason or they will surely fail. I totally agree. I even feel like this point relates to the FI community. I think a lot of people are pursuing FI without really understanding the reason behind it is more time. I think some people may reach FI only to realize they are bored. Because in my opinion, FI is really about having more time to pursue a passion, such as your passion for tennis. Anyways, awesome post and fascinating read.

    1. That is so insightful. I agree that if you do not go into retirement with some kind of purpose/plan then you’ll likely flounder at first. You sound like you’ve got a healthy version of competition, mine is a little extreme at times, but I’ve been working on it and making some real progress lately. Thanks for commenting.

  8. I don’t see this as a generational issue but one of personality. Competition doesn’t drive me at all. (I’m 45 if you’re curious.) Are you familiar with Gretchen Rubin and her Four Tendencies framework? It’s about how people respond to expectations. Some are highly motivated by competition and others, not at all.

    Other personality frameworks (enneagram, etc) tell the same story.

    1. I agree we are all different, but I was surrounded by other me’s in my twenties and thirties and I don’t see as much of it now. But it might be a lack of perception on my part.

      1. I am, just got back from fishing with my wife. Put our bass boat in a friend’s private lake, had a good morning. Didn’t get anywhere near anyone. I am playing tennis this afternoon but that is at a distance, it’s singles.

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