Have you ever thought back to how your life was totally changed by a single seminal event in your youth? Maybe you can remember in excruciating detail what it was like when your parents sat you down as a kid and told you they were getting divorced. Or maybe you were the quarterback on your high school football team and you threw the winning pass to clinch the state championship. Possibly you knew at that instant, whether it was a moment of pain or joy, that you would never be the same person again because this was so major, so impactful, dare I say so HUGE that life would no longer follow the same path that brought you to this point. I’m not sure if this will resonate with most readers or only with a few but it does with me because I can trace the path of my entire adult life from one single moment with absolute clarity.
Now let me say, before I tell you the story, that I don’t claim to be Mr. Successful. I’m not all that and a bag of chips. I’m a reasonably accomplished financially independent side hustling guy with a great lifetime spouse, awesome grown kids and slightly early retirement from a career I thoroughly enjoyed. That isn’t special to anyone but me but I consider it priceless because it has so completely exceeded the expectations I had of my future before that day…
You might be expecting me to hit you with a Hollywood crisis moment at this point. An armed robbery and hostage situation, a 70 mile per hour bus roll over crash on the Interstate, a fall off of a 40 foot cliff or hitting a car head on while riding a bicycle. All of those things did happen to me but the one that made the most difference was something you would miss if you were watching my life’s highlight reel. It was the music minister at my church walking up to me and saying, “Steve, I’d like you to play a leading role in this musical play we are going to take on tour this summer.”
Really, a role in a church production? Kind of underwhelming is it not? Well, you’d have to have known me back then. I was shy. No that is simply not big enough, I was very, very horrendously shy. I was not good at sports (except tennis, which hardly counted in Arkansas), I was not popular, my friends were not popular and my self image had me as being just a smart little nerd kid that kept quiet and stayed out of trouble. I constantly day dreamed about being a cool kid, but felt deep down I never could be. I struggled to even make the simplest book review talk in school, I was terrified of being in front of my peers. There is probably a clinical name for being that dysfunctional in front of others and whatever it is called I had a serious case of it.
And this was a big church, we had over 100 high school kids in the youth group including many of the most popular ones. The four leads for the play were three popular guys and me. I felt like I was in one of those kids puzzle books where the question is “Which one isn’t like the others?” and of course it was the shy nerdy kid who could not get a word out of his mouth in front of a group.
But I said yes. I’m not sure where that courage to take what felt like an awful risk came from but I said yes. Even knowing and imagining in exquisite detail how I could flub up my lines or freeze with stage fright in front of thousands of people and forever solidify my place as a loser, I said yes. I learned my lines and I learned that the popular guys were just like me, full of self doubt and scared of failing. I saw them see me as an equal because I was every bit the actor they were and in fact was given the leading role in the production.
And I was pretty good at it. Amazingly everyone in the youth group started to see me the way I had always wanted to see myself. And from that summer on I never saw myself as inferior to anybody. Sure I knew some people were better looking or had more extroverted personalities but there really wasn’t any social situation that I could not handle. I felt like I could win, I was smart and I could step outside my comfort zone and be rewarded.
One thing after another started going my way. I met a popular and beautiful girl who loved me. I picked a college major that fit me like a glove and I began to say yes to every opportunity I came across because I recognized that taking chances was the only way to grow and that deep down I was as good as everyone else in the room. In fact I was just like everyone else in the room but because I could say yes without hesitating I could get to the front of the line.
I was good at work, no, better than good, I was a rising star in the company. I’d get notes from senior vice presidents congratulating me on my progress as a junior engineer. And my entire career and civic life kept building by being able to step into roles I’d never filled before, with optimism and courage. I wasn’t naturally brave and fearless but my experience showed me undeniably that the risks were actually very small and the rewards very large for stepping out into newer and bigger challenges. Certainly I found out that I was better at some things than I was at others but either way I learned that the prime quality required to succeed in life and business was the courage to take action. And once that became a habit, then it did not require much courage anymore. It actually became fun to embrace new responsibilities!
Years later when I testified before Senate and House subcommittees in Washington DC I thought back to that play. I remembered learning that role and realized that while I accepted it with sheer terror at the time, that now, facing off against hostile, professional politicians on camera I was no longer nervous. I was excited and thrilled to be there and to be in the game. The congressmen were just like the popular kids in high school, full of the same self doubt as the rest of us. In short they were just like me, no better and no worse. And I think that is when it hit me, how my whole life changed on that answer I gave back in high school. A simple yes, I’ll do it, I’ll be in that play. And what if I had said no? To tell you the truth it frightens and unnerves me to even think about how saying no to that one single opportunity might have just as easily become my life’s defining “go to” answer and how very sad and different my life might be now.
I’m not sure if anyone else would want a life like mine spent solving puzzles of math, science, people and politics, but I love it, my past, my present and my future. I feel like I got to do and be so much more than I ever expected and one possible definition of happiness might be exceeding your own expectations? Your expectations are your own, and if you are like I was way back then they may not be that inspiring. But trust me, you are not locked into a mediocre life unless you choose to be. You can say yes to a better future.
This community is all about turning financial lives around. Thousands of people have changed their stars by stepping out of old comfortable, but destructive, spending habits. Because they took action their financial lives have been forever changed. Most of them can think back to that one moment when they decided that what they were doing wasn’t working and that if they wanted different results they would have to try different answers. If you are at the point of wanting a better financial life then do something you haven’t done before, say yes. Sometimes a single yes can make all the difference.
Has your financial life changed because of a single point in time when you made a decision?
Did you have a pivotal moment in your youth that has had a huge impact in who you are now?
If you’d like to leave a comment just click on the title of the post.
Nice story. Mine big moment was telling off my college coach and transferring. I did it all on my own at age 19 and realized that I’m a grown man and my life is completely up to me. I got another scholarship on another team and moved myself out and on my new campus. Then I called my parents and told them what I did. They where shocked and proud of me. I have never been afraid to change or stand up for wrong things because of my experiences. Good post!
That’s better than mine, or at least more courageous! As a more “mature” member of the community I can tell you that you’ll still think back on this in another 30 years as being such a big influence on who you are and will be. I think the people that never have a moment like that are the ones that just let life happen to them, and if life just happens to you I don’t see that as giving anyone the life they want. Thanks for commenting!
Awesome post Steve! I was waiting for this, just like you said before it’s funny how it’s these little insignificant moments that end up defining your life.
From small church music play, to the Big Times haha. Awesome story Steve! Those popular kids are no cooler than us!, The shy, quiet nerds. I wish someone would have told me that back in elementary school
It just amazed me when I dated the prettiest girl in high school and realized how she was insecure about her appearance! All of us struggle with the same emotions and fears, and most of the fears are exaggerated. I switched to a “what is the worst that could really happen” mode after that in my life and most of the time the answer was no worse than someone might laugh at me or I might be embarrassed and when you think about it, how bad is that really on a scale of one to ten? Oh and it happened sometimes. I remember trying out for a choir in college, having to sing a solo in front of a couple of hundred others trying out, and I really bombed and didn’t make the group because the truth is I’m barely an average singer. So what? I was glad I tried and it did not hurt that I failed, but had I not tried it would have hurt to have known I lacked the guts to even try. Thanks for reading and commenting friend!
Thanks for sharing. You’ve had some great moments. You realized early that saying yes can open doors. I’m not very good at this. I’ll try to help my son understand this before he’s grown up.
My firm belief is you do not have to be good at it. I’m still not “good” at it but I habitually do it because my personal history has shown me that I win more than I lose but only if I get into the game. You just have to make yourself do it and through the process of positive reinforcement it becomes easier over time. I wish I knew where I got the nerve to go for it because I did not have any track record of doing that at the time. I do think kids are incredibly influenced by their parents. My dad had me read How to Win Friends and Influence People and while I was too shy to use the information at the time as I came out of my shell I put all that to use. In fact it helped me get in that first acting role as well as later in making presentations and in building my network.
this sounds pretty familiar to my breaking out. i came from a wrong side of the tracks family but was always smart and knew that. after getting kicked around at track and cross country i “decided” that wasn’t good enough and worked to become captain and mvp for 3 years growing up. i was no star but have never been intimidated by any situation since then. you said it, “what’s the worst that could happen?” even when the worst did happen it wasn’t the end of the world.
That’s tremendous and indeed very similar! It may be a pretty common story but I also wonder how many unhappy people were only one break out decision away from a much better life? That would be so tragic, but I bet it is the case for many people that never realize their potential.
Great post. Always nice to have a reminder of why we are making the hard choices today. For a better life tomorrow
Thanks, it is a shame so many of the life altering ones are made when we are young and not as wise as we will be later. Or maybe that’s how we get wisdom.
Love it. Amazing how one small thing sets in motion a chain of events that leads to great things later. Sort of the “a butterfly flaps its wings…” kind of premise.
I often think if I had this or that differently what would have happened to the final result. I have been through a ton of pain (awful divorce etc) and by living through that it has created the person before you today.
I doubt I would have even looked to a financial transformation unless I had lost the majority of it from divorce as was at a financial depth. If everything went the same without the divorce I probably would have kept my financial pattern the same and never be able to retire early like I anticipate now
Funny how the magic of compound interest isn’t just for savings and investments. Compounding also works just as well from our decisions
I agree and I think that people that go through tough situations are stronger and wiser often than people like me who have never had serious problems. My life has been very easy in every respect and I think I lack the depth of people who have been through the fires of trouble. Thank you for the comment, it is inspirational that you have found a silver lining to a major cloud in your life.
That one moment you said yes to the play determined who you are now, that shows how important every action in life is. For me it was after realizing my true goals, then I started programming and reading other blogs. But it just started, so it hasn’t been a big impact on my life yet.
I bet it already has had some profound effects on you. There is a huge confidence boost that comes from understanding your goals and that shows through in your body language and overall attitude toward life. Thanks for commenting!
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“I learned that the prime quality required to succeed in life and business was the courage to take action.”
Great story Steve. I couldn’t agree more with this statement that sums it all up.
The nice thing is that after the first time it gets easier and easier to take action because of the positive reinforcement. Three days ago the Governor of our state was in town to speak at a local event and I was on the program as well. As I sat there being introduced to the fairly large crowd in front of the TV cameras and news photographers I thought how unlikely this would have seemed to teenage me. And like the very first time I got on a stage I was nervous and anxious, a little, but I also gave a great little talk and enjoyed doing it because I had “been there” dozens of times before and I knew that even the Governor probably gets a few butterflies, but nobody knows it if you take action with confidence! Thanks other Steve!
Great story! I am laughing at the tennis hardly counts in Arkansas line. You’ll have to fill us in on the other events you alluded that were overshadowed by the church play.
Well, being robbed and held captive by an armed gunman was kind of mind altering. Falling off a cliff head first while skiing was scary and pretty indicative of my natural lack of athletic talent and hitting a car on a bicycle I really don’t remember except for waking up the next day after the concussion and having my first case of amnesia.
Oh my! Thank goodness you made it through all that!! Between those events and rescuing your colleagues from a gas leak, you better play it safe from now on 😉
I think having escaped multiple close calls in malfunctioning aircraft, on skis and bicycles, in cars and buses and in dicey work situations related to fire and gas releases and having been the victim of gun violence (twice) that I am either extremely lucky or extremely unlucky. It got to the point at work that coworkers were seriously worried about flying on the same flight I was on because I had been on so many emergency landings. But it provides some good blogging content!